In Case of Hooks, Part 1: "First Hooks"
In case of fire, break glass.
In case of glass, cover head.
If no hands to shield head with, seek immediate medical attention for lack of hands.
In case of locked door obstructing route to hospital, locate hooks.
If hooks found, use hooks as temporary hand replacements, and use hook-hands to open door.
In case of high-five to celebrate success opening door, ask friend to consider danger of performing high-five with someone who has hook-hands.
In case of friend not considering danger of high-five, causing hook-hand to slice off friend's hand, take turns sharing hook.
If pain becomes unbearable, locate phone and call 911.
In case hook-hands are too unwieldy to dial tiny buttons on phone, look for nearby hospitals.
In case of no convenient hospitals, search back alleys for "alternative" medical expert.
In case of back alley being home to an angry homeless man, use hook-hands to frighten him.
If hook-hand plan backfires and causes homeless man to become enraged, use hook-hands to scale wall and climb away.
If homeless man has his own hook-hands and follows, there is no escape.
In case of no escape, admit defeat and give homeless man all of your available money.
In case of no money for real medical care, ask around for cheapest doctor in area.
In case of cheapest doctor being some sort of mad scientist, run.
If shot by mad scientist's freeze ray, attempt to make your way back to burning building so that fire will melt the ice.
In case of melting too much, allow scientist to reanimate melted remains as some sort of monster.
In case of reanimation as some sort of monster, use opportunity to upgrade hook-hands to rocket-hook-hands.
In case of new hooks for hands, incapacitate mad scientist and make a run for it.
In case of lab-escape, beware of former friend who has also been reanimated as a rival monster.
In case of appearance by reanimated friend, begin playing exciting fight-scene music.
In case of exciting fight-scene music, begin fight-scene.
In case of fight-scene, dodge ex-friend's rocket-hooks and attack with your own rocket-hooks.
In case of victory, have flashbacks to fond memories of times spent with ex-friend.
In case of flashbacks, consider meaninglessness of violence and form truce with friend.
In case of truce, perform high-five.
In case of friend again not considering danger of high-five and causing rocket-hook to blow up friend, fall to knees.
If on knees, look to sky and shout "nooooo."